Figuring Out What Motivates Me

Well, I'm finally back to training now that we are all settled into our new home. Let me just say, this move has been amazing!! I'll be doing an update about the move on my family blog soon!

I took a week off during the move and last week managed a weak 23 miles, but I did run my longest run since my marathon 5 months ago! If you've followed me you'll know how much I've been struggling to run. I ended up taking a 3 month break from running. I turned to cycling and really enjoyed it. I built myself up to my first century (100 miles) but as the weather started getting warmer, it was hard to get out for the time that I had been, so I started running again. It's been a struggle to find my groove again but I think it's finally happened. I've started running my long runs on the trails and completely loving it! I ran 15 miles yesterday in some brutal weather, but it made me feel so strong. 90 degress with 60% humidity is no joke! I drank almost 70oz of water, used 2 GU's, and ate 1 waffle bar. I felt really good despite the weather. 

I have been really nervous about getting my mileage back up since taking a long break. I was really scared of injury and doing too much. It's taken me longer than I thought it would to rebuild, but I've been cautious. It feels SO good to be running something over the half marathon distance again! 

I realized something this weekend to help me get out the door on my long runs. I've struggled with my longs runs because it's the weekend and I usually stay up rather late watching TV or a movie with my husband. Running my long runs on little sleep is hard! During the summer, I'm up at 4:00am to run and don't get to bed til after midnight. But as I was talking myself into getting up in a few hours for Sunday's run I had a thought, the night before a marathon how many hours of sleep do I get? On a good night, maybe 3 hours and on a not good night, maybe 30 minutes. So why am I stressing over getting enough sleep before a long run if I hardly sleep before a marathon? I told myself "it's good training" to not get 8 hours of sleep before a long run because I wouldn't do that before a race. I'm a type of person who uses "practice how you play" in my training, so running with little sleep is a perfect way to train!  

Something else I'm realizing that maybe training for a marathon or really to train to qualify for Boston, just isn't exciting me anymore. As much as I really want to qualify, there's way more to it than training for months and months and then showing up on race day and executing your plan perfectly. I feel that in all honesty, the stars have to align and race day has to be perfect. Well, how often in training are runs perfect? For me it's a rare thing. I know a lot of my burn out this past 1.5 years has been from training incredibly hard but then showing up on race day ready to hit the qualifying time but things end up differently. Like starting my period around mile 20 in a marathon that I was right on pace until noticing I had started. Or when the weather is 30 degrees warmer than the usual temperature on race day. There are things that happen that you can't train for. And that gets discouraging. Very discouraging. 5 of my 7 marathons have been huge letdowns and not because of me showing up unprepared but because of other uncontrollable things. While I still love the race environment, I see myself slowing fading out of racing. I'll probably do the same 2 marathons a year just because I love them that much, but I have bigger plans for myself. 

As I was running my 15 miler yesterday, I had this thought that I had in mile 8 of my FIRST half marathon. I had always wanted to run a full marathon but for some reason, even as I was training for my first half, I kept telling myself that there was no way I'd run a full. A half was good enough. But as I was saying, around mile 8 of my first half marathon I had the thought of, "I totally could finish this half and then turn right around and run BACK to where I started." I didn't but even after finishing the half marathon, I still felt that way. Running a marathon wasn't as scary as I thought. I have now run 8 marathons. When I finished my 15 mile run yesterday I had the thought of "I could totally go and run another 15 mile loop" and that got me excited! I have plans to run a 50k in Decemeber but why wait? Why not build up to it now!? So that's my goal this summer. I haven't made a training plan so I may or may not hit 50k before my marathon but I am still going to train, and taper when it's time, in these weeks leading up to the marathon. I am really excited about this. I feel like I'm actually training for something hard again. Don't get me wrong but after so many marathons, it gets boring! Just trying to get motivated to run again! 

Before and During

Some people look at me and think I have it easy. That I have good genetics and can get into shape fast. You know those types that can eat anything they want and not gain anything. Who can run a marathon at a 6:30 pace without even training. I'm jealous of those types. I just look at food and gain 5 pounds. I have to bust my butt day in and day out to see results or to hit my goals. So when people tell me that I am blessed because I can lose weight or get into shape fast, I just want to smack them.

After my last marathon in February, I stopped running. I hated running. I wanted nothing to do with it. Actually, those feelings started back in December. And since December, I ate my emotions. So many things played in

to my depression. It was an extremely hard time for me and until a few weeks ago I didn't realize how bad it was. If you've gone through depression, you know what I'm taking about. So anyway, with being depressed and eating my emotions, I put on weight. Go figure haha A month ago, my family was getting ready to go to the water park and I felt "fat" in my swim bottoms. I took a shot of my behind and sure enough, eww. (Jimmy Fallon anyone??)  It was gross. So I covered up and beat myself up about it. (Because that makes it all better, right?) Well, after all the craziness with dropping out of my bike race and getting into my favorite marathon, it was game on for me. This is the year that I will be consistent and get closer to my goal of qualifying for Boston.

The last 3 week's I have busting my butt, literally, every day. I have a ton of work do and there's no time to waste. I mentioned in my last post about not letting the scale define me. It's been really hard to step on the scale and see no change. Even when I felt thinner, nothing changed.

Remember that picture of my rear end I took a few weeks ago? Well I decided to take another picture to compare. Let me first just tell you that I am a firm believer of taking photos. They show progress that the scale doesn't. After feeling bad because the scale wasn't going down, I compared the photos side by side and I cannot tell you how excited I was. Sometimes it's hard to see progress when you're stuck on a number you want the scale to read, but I challenge anyone reading this to take a photo now and then in a month's time, take another. That's how I will track my progress from now on.

Ok...now the scary part. I'm posting a photo of my rear end in my swim suit. It's no where near perfect, when comparing to this bikini models, but it's progress for me. (Be nice, don't say anything negative about this post. I really am proud of myself and don't need a Debbie downer to criticize me.) (Can you tell I'm a little insecure about posting this? But I like to document for the future. I like looking back and seeing where I started.) (Oh and ignore my messy mirrors. I hate cleaning them haha)

Love Seeing Progress

After taking nearly 3 months off from running consistently, jumping back into marathon training has been difficult. Especially because I'm pushing both my kids in the double stroller. Last week was great. I felt good, I was exhausted, but I still felt good to be back in marathon training mode. This morning I was dreading my run. I didn't want to push the stroller and I knew it was going to be hot. Well, I quickly remembered my goals and woke up the girls at 6:45am and was out the door running at 7:15am. The first mile sucked. But when doesn't it? I just kept telling myself to relax and even if the whole 4 miles hurt, at least I was out getting my miles in. First mile was 10:58. Much slower than my normal, but about where I was running last week with the stroller. I kept pushing and during mile 2 I started to feel really good. Mile 2 was 10:27. Alright, that felt good! I focused more on form and making sure I was relaxed. Mile 3 was 10:04. Whoohoo! I haven't seen a mile split that "fast" for a while. (A side note: I've set my watch to only show distance and time, I cannot see current pace...I love it. I run more off how I feel rather than trying to push it.) By mile 3 I was feeling fresh and my legs felt great. I didn't think I started pushing myself harder, but apparently I did. Mile 4 was 9:36! I wasn't even huffing and puffing! I was relaxed and focusing on proper form. I didn't feel like I was exhausted or running out of steam by the last mile. I actually felt like I had another couple miles in me. Felt awesome! Overall, I had an average pace of 10:15 for 4 miles. Pretty awesome considering my 4 mile run last week was a struggle and a 11:15 pace. Take away the paces though, I just felt a whole lot stronger today and I loved it! Very excited to see more progress over the next few months!