Finding My Passion Again

I've always loved the trails. Ever since I was young, my dad would take me hiking on Saturday mornings. I have many memories of our hiking trips and the adventures we'd have. Like hiking up to the top of a mountain and found a small pond that was filled with tadpoles. We caught a few and I kept them until they grew into frogs. That's just one of the many, many memories I have. Last summer, when it was too hot to run and I was struggling with motivation to continue training, I went and hiked a lot. Words cannot express how amazing I felt just walking the trails. Well, the weather cooled off some and I picked training back up and continued to struggle with finding my passion for running again. After my last marathon 2 weeks ago, I didn't even care about not hitting goal time during the race. Since then, I've come up with new training ideas and stared training again. So far it's been ok. I know it can be better because I keep looking up races to train for, because if I signed up for a hard race, maybe I'd train harder. But today happened and I'm not even worried about my qualifying for Boston goal. Which may be a healthy thing for me right now.

Today I went and ran 7 miles on the trails. It. Was. Amazing. One of my favorite runs ever. I realized something pretty important out there and why I have been struggling with motivation. 1.5 years ago I moved into the city and out of the country. Being in the city, I catch myself always looking behind my back, not enjoying my run, and just mentally struggling. Which is something I've never dealt with before the move. Before the move, I craved to get out. I trained with the double stroller on every training run except my long runs. I was running 40-60 miles a week and 30-50 of those miles, I was pushing the double stroller. I felt beyond amazing and so completely happy. There weren't any traffic lights, hardly any cars, or houses. It was beautiful. I used to get up at 4am on the weekends, 2 hours before the sun rose and just ran in the moonlight, there were no street lights. Never once did I fear going out alone. As soon as I moved to the city, I battle constantly with getting myself out the door everyday.

To say I found my love for running again today, is an understatement. I mean I ran 7 hilly miles this morning and I am considering going out again!! It was so peaceful and quiet out. The thing that really gets me is this, 8 times out of 10, when I'm running in the city, I struggle mentally with enjoying my run. I love running because it's my therapy session. My time to clear my head and think straight. But most the time when I'm running in the city, I struggle to enjoy it. I actually end up grumpy when I return home. On today's run, I strapped my heart rate monitor on to make sure I'm training in the right zone, and 2 miles in...my watch is not syncing with the monitor. Had I been in the city, I would have huffed and puffed the whole way and been extremely frustrated. Today, I threw the monitor off, shoved it in my backpack and kept running. I would periodically check my pulse to make sure I was staying where I should be, but what I realized was I was completely happy and in love with what I was doing. Not one ounce of negativity. It. Was. Amazing. I have a million new goals running around in my head. I want to run a trail half and full marathon. I know I want to venture into the ultra running world and doing it all on the trails. But the ultras will have to wait til fall, because I have a lot of work to do before then. Right now I'm focusing on strength training, Tough Mudder and a 200 mile bike ride in July. Until then, I'll enjoy my long runs on the trails and dream all week until I can get back out there.