2 Posts in 1 day?

It's true, I'm a thinker...I think way too much. But after writing my previous post today, I feel great. So, I wanted to write down some more things.

I scrolled back in my training log on dailymile and looked up the 60 mile week I had before my first marathon. (Back in August 2012) I read through each run and took note of the paces. Each run was a little faster than the previous. I busted out my 4th 10 miler in 4 consecutive days, while pushing the DOUBLE stroller each day, at a 9 minute average pace! And I said I was feeling amazing. I remember running those miles...but I don't remember my feelings while running those miles. (I also ran one of my best/fastest 20 milers that Saturday, having taken Friday off. Amazing!!)

This brings me to 2 main points.

One being, I should train with the double stroller again haha as much as I hate that thing, it, one, makes me really strong, and two, I actually keep consistent because I don't have to rely on anyone to watch my kids while I leave for a run. So...I need to step up my game! Here's to being a BAMR!

My second point is, I want to blog daily about my workouts. In full detail so I can remember what I did and how I felt. This will be hard for me. Knowing I am putting everything out there for people to judge, that's what got me in a bad place to begin with. But maybe it'll be a good thing. I need to learn to deal with people who don't approve of what I do.

One last thing I'm realizing, I'm a very intense person. I like to push myself hard. Hard enough to the point of puking. Obviously I'm smart and I do listen to my body, but I'm realizing with looking back on my previous 2.5 years of training...I can definitely push my body past what I think are my limits. I treat my body well. I eat right and I get a ton of sleep (I love sleep) so why would my body fight me? I'm ready to go back to how I used to train. No stress or worry about what people may think or say. Today's the day. I'm going out confident and not holding myself back anymore.

To tell you the truth, I'm ECSTATIC about this. I feel so good and full of fire!!

This week's training so far has been as follows:

Monday: Rest day (rode my first 100 miler on Sunday afternoon!)

Tuesday: 9pm workout 4 mile trainer ride. Did some single leg spinning and then pushed as hard as I could for a mile. According to my Garmin, I averaged 24mph. That's fast for me!

After I did some leg and ab work..I've been really hesitant with adding in weight lifting because of the fear of getting injured. But I need to not fear anymore. I'm smart. I lifted lighter but did lots of reps. Since I haven't lifted in a while, I only dud 3 exercises. Leg lifts, on my pull up bar machine, squats, and bridges (back on the seat and barbell with weights on my hips) I only did 2 rounds. Wanted more but this week is an easy week. (I've had 3 hard weeks, now it's recovery week.) I also did some pull up work. I've never been able to do one, so I'm starting small. I jumped all the way up, held for 3 seconds, then slowly lowered back down. Did that 5 times. Talk about weak upper body! Haha

Wednesday: (today) 2pm workout. I ran 4 miles with Mylee in the stroller. It was warm and windy. I did an out and back route so going out I had a tailwind, coming back was hard. But I felt the urge to run, so I did.
7:30pm Tanner and I went to boot camp. I love boot camp.

For tomorrow's workout, I am starting a challenge for May. The challenge is 5 days of running, totally 23 miles a week. I figured it's a good place to start because I haven't been running for 2 months. Very excited to get back to running. Its a special thing to me. I can't decide if I want to run with the stroller or do a brick workout. I'll probably go with the brick...those are my new favorite! Last Wednesday was my first brick. I rode my bike 30 miles and then immediately got changed and put the girl's in the double stroller and ran 3 miles. I was so incredibly sore on Thursday. I loved it!

Anyway, this turned out to be a lot longer than I intended. I'm just finally excited about being excited about running again. And I like writing my feelings down. I may be a big mess of emotions, but writing always makes me feel better.

Changing Things Up

Something changed in me about 2 years ago. I had been running for 6 months and those 6 months had been the best months of my life. I was completely happy. Which is opposite of what I had felt several years prior. Without going into too much detail, I had just hit my ultimate goal weight, one I'd never thought I'd see again. I felt amazing. I was running 30 miles a week, eating extremely well, and all around just very healthy. I made the dumb decision to post this goal weight I'd hit on Facebook. What I thought would be a celebration turned into a lecture from many friends about how I was way too skinny and unhealthy. Me, being insecure, I decided to listen and put back on almost 10lbs but I also gained back some of the depression I had fought So hard to beat. These last 2 years I have been at war with myself. I turned into the type of person who feels I need approval from someone before I do something, anything really!  Well, when I first decided to lose weight, I didn't need approval, I knew it needed to be done. And for the 6 months that followed, I just did what I felt like doing. No approval needed. But as soon as the backlash came out, I felt the only way I could do something is if at least 1 person approved. Totally lame of me, right? Well it comes with who I am.

(On a side note....something that has really bothered me since being told I was "too skinny" ....I find it odd that I was told that....but when I weighed 50lbs more....no one ever told me I was too heavy. Doesn't makes sense, does it? People are funny. Could it be jealousy? People say the number on the scale doesn't define them...and yet when someone posts their number, that's actually healthy for them, they get all crazy on that person. Funny, isn't it?)

This past Sunday, I rode 100 miles on my bike. 100 MILES! This was the first time in 2 years when I actually felt sincerely proud of myself. I have downplayed EVERYTHING I've done up to that point. Forget the 8 marathons I've finished, when I set out to only run ONE. The "Crazy Pyramid Challenge" (5k, 10k, half, full, half, 10k, 5k in 7 consecutive days) The hundreds of miles I've walked, hiked run, biked...the 50lbs I originally lost. None of that is good enough. Well, on this 100 mile bike ride, I had some time to think...ok like 7 hours worth. I thought about what changed inside me and pinpointed a few things. For the past 2 years, I've looked at myself in the mirror and cried. I hate my body. I loved it 2 years ago when I was at my goal weight. But because of everyone's disapproval, I gained 10lbs...now almost 20lbs. I hate it. I never want to go anywhere or do anything because of the way I feel. I feel fat and I'm so inconsistent with my training. Every. Single. Day. I fight myself with getting out for a run. I used to run 6 days a week, pushing the DOUBLE stroller 5 of those days. One week, the peak of my training for my first marathon, I ran 60 miles, 40 of those miles I pushed the double stroller. 10 miles a day, Monday-Thursday, rested Friday and then ran 20 miles at a 8:45 pace on Saturday....oh did I mention it was August!?! Summer in Arizona in August is nasty. 115 degrees as a high...but also its our monsoon season so we had 80% plus humidity. And you know what, I FELT AMAZING! I felt so good about myself. I have never ran that much in a week since then. Heck, I don't even run with the stroller anymore. I think a lot of my disappointment comes from thinking about that training. I was in the best shape of my life then. But because I was coming from such a scary and dark place, I looked to friends and family to help encourage me. But when I got ridiculed for being "too skinny" or "running too much" I put back on weight to please them.

I've never really talked about this...like ever to anyone really. I really didn't know this was such a factor in my every day life. But after having a lot of alone time to think during those 100 miles, I finally excepted it.

I made a goal this week, that whenever I thought "I want to go run right now" or, "I want to go do a workout" that instead of talking myself out of it in fear sunshine will say something negative, I would actually get up and just do it. Yesterday I did a ride on the trainer, because it was 9pm and then I thought "hey, I want to lift weights. Lifting makes me happy." So I did just that. Today I woke up and felt the urge to run. I pushed it aside this morning because the thought of people in my head saying "you're doing too much" "you're going to get injured." (HUGE pet peeve of mine!) I know my body and I felt amazing after last night's work out, so I strapped my little one in the stroller and ran 4 miles. It felt GREAT!!!

I've been married for 7 years now. It's really made me a different person. Marriage is NOT easy. Being a mother is NOT easy. I completely lost myself to all that until I started running in October 2011. It's time to find me again and to not let people hold me back or worry about their disapproval on anything I do. Before, any type of disapproval was fuel to my fire. Now, it's become an excuse to not do what I love. I have a deep passion for running. A passion so deep that there are not words to describe it. Running changed my life. No, running SAVED my life.

My Very First Century!

I honestly cannot believe what I've accomplished. It was so hard to ride solo and watch each mile slowly tick by. I can honestly remember each and every mile. Miles 1-20 were the hardest I've ever done. Miles 10-20 I had a really strong headwind. Without that wind I could have been going 18mph, it was a slight downhill, but I could only manage 10-12mph. I got to mile 20 and was so tempted to quit. Miles 20-30 were the hardest climbing miles, but I had the wind at my back so I pushed on. I averaged 20mph on those miles....pretty incredible because when I rode that course 3 weeks ago, I was averaging 13mph...that's a strong wind!

Miles 30-60 were against a headwind again. Not as strong, was able to manage 15mph except on this one hill. It was about a half mile long and I was in my lowest gear and about to tip over from going so slow. I was going 7-8mph up that hill. It was so crummy! Miles 60-80 were the best miles of the 100. Still crummy, but mentally I was finally thinking I would be able to finish. Mile 80 hit and I was dead! I may have cried a little at the thought of having 20 more miles left! I stopped to stretch and eat and just didn't think I could go any further, I was still dealing with a headwind and would be for another 10 miles. I was honestly so angry. I pushed on. Mile 92 I got ut of the funk...well actually I turned a corner and lost the headwind. But now it was blowing me sideways. There were a few times when a big gust blew and I almost tipped over. It was wild. The last 4 miles were a piece of cake. And then, after just over 6.5 hours in the saddle, and 7.5 hours out on the adventure, it all ended. There has never been a sweeter moment. To know I actually did something that scared the heck out of me, and had horrible windy conditions, I have never been so proud. It boggles my mind, actually. I found a new strength I never knew I had. It still seems so unreal. It amazes me. I'm pretty sore today, but not as sore as I thought I'd be. My wrists are the most sore but other than that, I feel good. It's amazing to me that at mile 80, I was never going to ride my bike again. I hated what I was doing. I tried so hard to stay relaxed, but that wind killed me. But this morning, I have a million and one ideas of how I should train these next 11 weeks to make this 200 mile ride manageable! I'm on cloud 9 this morning, maybe it's because I have a rest day today and a lighter training week...or maybe it's because I conquered my first 100 miler!!! :) :)