50k Story

50k story:

After being lost for an hour trying to find the race, I tried to keep my cool and relax. I didn't feel to flustered by the fact that my one hour drive to the race had turned into two hours. I finally arrived to the race and had about 30 minutes till the start. I relaxed a bit, prayed a lot, and watched the other runners. I was feeling so good. Confident. It was finally time to line up and start and like always, I headed to the back of the pack. I hate getting caught in the rush of the start. Everyone starts out way to fast and I get caught at that pace. It usually always kills me at the end. So I settled in the back. The gun went off and we started out. The first 5 miles were amazing. Absolutely beautiful. The trails were great, much less rocky than what I've trained on, but a really good warm up. Around mile 5 we crossed a huge wash. Up ahead I saw the climb out and took it. At this point i couldnt see anyone behind me or in front of me. As I continued on this trail something didn't feel right. I kept looking at the ground and it looked as if it was in the process of "regrowth" meaning no one had run this trail for a while. As I kept running and kept looking for the trail markers, stomach cramps hit hard, menstraul cramps. I wanted to lay down and die from the pain. Panic started setting in because i hadn't seen a marker for a half mile. In started crying and turned around. I prayed that I could find my way out and see where to go. As I made it back to the big wash, I saw this couple turning a different way and then I realized I had in fact taken the wrong path. I tried to shake that off but it really messed with me. Although it could have been much worse, it still shook me up. My stomach was still killing me and so were my legs. I couldn't relax and I couldn't think straight. It sucked. I was only 7 miles in and feeling this way? Crap. I'm in trouble. I met a lovely new friend, Marsha, around this point and i stayed with her. We talked a lot and it was a great distraction! We made it to the aid station at mile 12/13 and got a little something to eat and I had a small cup of coke. That tasted so good! The caffeine was a great pick me up. Marsha and I headed back out and at this point it hurt worse to walk than to run. I ended up running without Marsha for a few miles when I just had to sit down. My legs were cramping so bad. SO BAD! I called my husband and told him I was done. That this was the stupidest thing ever and I'm quitting at the next aid station...that was still 8 miles away. After talking to him, I sat down and took my shoes off. What a difference that made!! I soon realized that I had tied my shoes waaaay too tight. As I was tying them back up, Marsha came around the corner and I ran with her for a while again. She was doing a run/walk system but the walking killed me so I just kept my extremely slow jog and just kept moving forward. I can't remember what mile it was but I got lost shortly after this point. Somewhere around 18 miles. I went into full on panic mode. Hyperventilating, crying, praying...it was scary. I finally found a marker and at that point I had had enough. Enough of the panic and worry about getting lost, enough of my girl problems, enough of running. I finally reached the next aid station and had told myself it was ok to quit. And I was perfectly fine with that decision. This hurt I was in was totally not worth it. As soon as I got to the station, I sat down and bawled. Full on sobbing. I was so far gone. The volunteers were awesome and kept trying to talk me out of quitting but nothing could be said to me to change my mind. They said some pretty funny things, I've forgotten exactly what they said because I was so completely out of it but one guy said, "sweetheart, this is completely normal. Everyone goes through this. You will totally regret quitting. You can do it." I bawled and at that point my wonderful friend Marsha came in. I knew i could finish if I just stayed with her. So that's exactly what I did. We talked all the way in. About lots of things and it was amazing. We walked the inclines and ran everything else. I stared at the back of her shoes the whole way in. I don't even know what the trails looked like. I had to completely escape what I was doing. We had some pretty gnarly hills to climb at the end and honestly they felt so good to hike up! I had been training on some steep climbs and loved hiking up and sprinting down. These trails were nothing like that and I know it really made it hard mentally for me. These trails were looooong, slow inclines but didn't feel like inclines. So your legs hurt because of the incline but your mind doesn't understand why your legs hurt because it was "flat." So hard!! So these hills at the end were greatly needed for me. As we came up the top of the mountain, I looked down and saw the finish line! Totally cried. I never thought Id finish. I had been out running for nearly 8.5 hours!!! That's a long flippen time! As we got closer I saw my wonderful husband and wonderful friends Becca and Dave and their son Ethan. They were holding up signs and cheering for us. It was amazing!! We finally crossed that finish and I could hardly stand up. I was exhausted. Having had some time to think about it there were a few mistakes I could have avoided but being this was my first, I'll just say it was a good first ultra given my circumstances. No more running races during the week of my period, that's one thing I can control haha and I need to figure out my nutrition better. That is my biggest weakness. And my mental game. Huge weakness. This race was a very HUMBLING experience. I'm so proud that I finished and didn't quit. I honestly can't believe I was able to convince myself to get up at mile 23! This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done and so glad it's over with!