I love running. Running saved my life 2.5 years ago. It helped me escape from a horrible, dark depression.
With running, I lost close to 50lbs and was the happiest I'd been in years.
But after running my first marathon, I started to struggle. I so badly wanted to get a Boston qualifying time, but always came up short. My training started slacking, I just couldn't get out the door consistently anymore. I dreaded training. I would keep consistent and do really amazing workouts for about a month and then fall off and do nothing for a month. It was a vicious cycle. I always felt burntout, I had made running a "must do" and a "chore" but who likes chores??
So why did I still run? Well, after a very amazing 2 weeks of running my long, weekend runs on the trails, I realized something. I ran out of fear. Fear that if I didn't continue running, I'd gain weight back and be in a horrible depression again. Running was what helped me lose weight, so if I stopped, the weight would come back on. Here's something to know about me, before this weight loss journey and before having kids, I'd always been in fantastic shape. I never had to lose weight, so this is all new to me. I thought about this specifically on this past weekend's 13.5 mile trail run, I climbed over 2,000ft worth of hills. Most my runs are around 200-300ft elevation, so 2,000ft was a killer workout. I had the realization though, I didn't just have to run to stay fit. During the climbing sections of this 13.5 mile run, I obviously walked. My legs still burning, still getting stronger. For me, I had to run a certain average pace to feel like I was getting in a good workout. Challenging myself on these hills and tough terrain was extremely hard. It felt great. Seeing that my average pace was 13 minute miles really didn't bother me. I had just climbed some gnarly hills and no 8 minute mile run would make me feel as good as climbing those hills did. So, I made the decision to switch up training.
I realized that in my past trainings, I tried training like someone else who had recently qualified...well that training didn't work for me. This happened several times. I'd start out training how I thought I should, but always took to other's advice on how I should train. One thing I dislike about social media, Facebook in general, is any time you do something "different" in training, people start voicing their opinions, usually in a negative way, and then doubt starts to enter in. At least this is what's happened to me.
With what I realized recently I've FINALLY decided to just train the way I want. Train according to my passions and my thinking. So far, these last 2 or so weeks have been amazing!! I've already seen a lot of progress but more importantly, I'm not dealing with exhaustion and burn out. Something that I have dealt with for the past 2 years!
I've created yet another training plan, but it's not so much for qualifying in my October marathon. It's more training to be fit and healthy, physically and emotionally, in my daily life. No more looking ahead a few months and stressing over races.
Whether or not I qualify in October won't matter. I'm focused on reaching other goals, that in the end could possibly still make qualifying a possibility. I'm just going about it a different way, and different is better, at least for me!
My friend who I've been throwing my training ideas at sent me this quote the other day. It's so fitting for how I'm feeling right now!
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