What Can I Learn From This

I don't always love to run. It hurts, it's hard, it knocks your confidence in a blink of an eye, but if you can take a step back and ask yourself, "what can I learn from this?" you might just learn something about yourself or about running that will only make you into a better person/runner.

This week was an assessment week in my training. My friend, Omar, who I am working with in training had me run a 1.5, 3, and 6 mile time trials. Basically you run these distances as fast as you can. For the 1.5 mile and 3 mile run, I set a new PR. 1.5 was 10:55 (7:16 average pace), 3 miles was 22:57 (7:39 average pace) But this morning, well, this morning was rough. It hurt, it was extremely hard, it knocked my confidence, and left me feeling very discouraged. So as I sit outside, waiting for my family to wake up, I ask myself, "what can I learn from this?"

Right now, my answer is simply, "I am not there yet so I need to get back out there and train for it."

I emailed my friend, Omar, and told him of my discouraging run. He said back to me, "I'm glad you are hard on yourself because that's what separates a champion from a contender."

That hit me. I've always been taught that being hard on yourself isn't a good thing, but I suppose it can be. If you channel those emotions as fuel to the fire. Don't let a hard run defeat you. Or better yet, don't let a hard run DEFINE you. I posted on my instagram, "a hard run doesn't define you, what you do about does." If I quit after every hard run I've had, I would be no where near where I am today. I have more hard runs than not. "Running is not easy. If it were, EVERYONE would be doing it."

So, I say to all of us who have had a hard run, "buck up buttercup, pull your big girl/boy panties up, and GET BACK OUT THERE!"

Limiting Ourselves And Possibly Others

I think I'm becoming a blogging addict. I really an enjoying writing, I may not be the greatest writer, but it all comes from the heart.

I saw this picture posted tonight and It hit me hard. "The only limits in life are the one's you make." Doesn't that have such power to it? Maybe it hits me hard because of what I'm learning right now. It's all mental. This morning I proved to myself that I can do things I typically don't think I can. I don't consider myself a fast runner. Back in high school I was. My fastest mile was a 5:45 mile. There's no way I'll ever get that fast again...but that's the limit I am putting on myself. This morning I ran a mile and a half at a 7:16 average pace, with no training, no speed work, no nothing. Just flat out mental toughness. That short run helped me knock down some demons I've created about running fast and physically bit being able to. Speed runs in my family. (No pun intended haha) but I always tell myself that I cannot be fast again. I've realize, with the help of my good friend Omar, that in fact I am cable of much, much more than I think.

And that's the problem. It all goes back to mental toughness. On this morning's run, I actually ended up turning my watch settings to only show distance so I had no idea what pace I was running until I finished. I ran according to how I felt instead of what I thought I could do. Had I had my pace showing on my watch, I know I would've run around an 8:30 pace. And that would have only been because that's what I THOUGHT I could do. I really surprised myself. It was a great confidence boost for me.

Another thing I wanted to get off my chest is not only do we limit ourselves, but we also let others limit us, at least I have done so. I know with sharing my workouts on Facebook back a year ago, I had a lot of people saying stuff like, "you're doing too much" "you're going to get injured" "be careful" "if you keep training like that, you'll end up burnt out before race day." And so on...you get the picture. And for a new runner who was very insecure with what she was doing to begin with, hearing this phrases often really got to my head. I tried to play it off, but I let fear sink in and it ruined me mentally. I'm only sharing this because it was so detrimental to me. I may be weak for letting it affect me, but I'm positive I'm not the only one. I have finally realized how strong of a person I am and I am different from most. I don't do things just to say I do them. I do things to prove to myself that I can always do better. I am extremely passionate about running. Ask me about my first ever 5k and I will literally cry as I replay the story out. It's not weakness, it's passion. Ask me about my first marathon, I will do the same. Even though those tears are not of joy but of pain. Ask me about my marathon when at mile 20, I started my period and it was not pretty. But then after relaying the story of what happened to "friends" on facebook, I was told to suck it up and be glad I finished. Which I was completely satisfied with finishing, I was just completely embarrassed about what happened out on the course. Anyway....didn't mean to get into all that. What I'm saying is, BE KIND. Don't judge someone else's training. Just because it's NOT WHAT YOU DO, doesn't make it wrong or too much or they are going to get injured...all anyone needs is encouragement. Going back to that young lady who finished 100 miles this weekend but had lost her crew due to her crew's mother passing away suddenly. This poor gal was so incredibly sad. I'm sure it would have helped if someone saw her pain and offered comfort. I just realized it too late and I feel horrible about it. Which is why I've set a goal to be more open and to see those who need a friend. My most favorite quote is this, "our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart, instead of a piece of our mind." Such beauty in that quote. The world needs more kindness and I truly believe that that kindness starts with us. We can make a difference by offering a smile, a hug, a listening ear...something other than negativity. Strong people lift others up, not put them down. In the words of Ellen Degeneres, "BE KIND TO EVERYONE."

Mental Toughness

I have so much on my mind today. So many life changing events happened this weekend. I am a very real person. I tell it how it is. I don't sugar coat things or say things to make me look better than I really am. Point blank. So for those of you who have followed me know how much I struggle day to day with person trials. Not even running related.

I wish I could share more details but I know that by sharing too much, some will take offense. So I will share what I can. (Buy no way am I trying to be offensive, some people just can't see past their end of their noses.)

Some times, there comes a point in your life when you see who you are. You see that you have become the exact person you swore you never would become. It's a very hard pill to swallow. In a previous post I talked about letting things define you and more specifically things that shouldn't define you but that you end up letting define you. 

Ever since my oldest daughter turned about a year old, she was extremely active. Very busy. And this drove some people crazy. They would get after her about things and become stressed with her. This is still going on today, and she's almost 6. This made me feel that my daughter was a rotten child. That she is poorly behaved. And it hurt me thinking this way. I became very controlling and quite frankly embarrassed about my child. I let this define me. I was a horrible mother. My child was a wild child with no respect for others. What I didn't realize was my child is actually quite similar to every other 5 year old out there. Granted with some differences, but she's not a bad child like I felt she was. I realized that some people can't handle my active child. She is too much for them to handle, so they get frustrated and stressed. This has nothing to do with me, my parenting, or really the behavior of my child. It is a reflection on THEM. It's been amazing since I've realized this. I can let these people stress if they choose to, but it doesn't affect me or my child. It's their own choice to feel this way. With me realizing this I have relaxed A LOT and my daughter has been an absolute joy. When I was controlling her, her behavior was only getting worse. GO FIGURE. She is an amazing child and I can now see that.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is mental toughness. Everything in life goes back to this. I learned a huge lesson about this this weekend. Watching the people out running and walking at the ultra marathon taught me so much about mental toughness. Whether is was the gal who placed 2nd place and was non stop running the whole time, or the gals who struggled with stomach cramps and other physical discomfort that made them have to take a break to try to shake the pain but still got back out there and kept pushing. Or even my friend Michael, who clearly struggled during the dark hours of the night but kicked butt as soon as the sun rose. I believe he said the last 15 miles were some of his fastest miles of the 100 miles!! These examples are true inspiration TO ME. Seeing the struggle, the pain, the wanting to quit, but them NEVER giving up. I cannot say how much that inspired me. I seriously get choked up and goosebumps just thinking about it. These are some amazing, amazing people and they taught me a huge lesson.
I struggle horribly with my mental toughness. It is the reason why I can't get a BQ. So, on this mornings run, I had a time trail run. I have 3 time trail runs this week. These runs will determine next month's pacing for my training runs. Going into today's run, I wasn't expecting anything special. I haven't been running much at all, let alone doing any kind of speed work. Well, I really, really surprised myself. I did 1.5 miles in 10 minutes and 55 seconds an average pace of 7:16 a mile. Holy cow! It felt amazing! Granted I was extremely close to puking, but man, that mental toughness can do A LOT for you!! These next few months are going to be absolutely amazing!!! I feel I'll be getting real close to my BQ this fall.

First Ultra Marathon Experience Part 2

These are MY OWN thoughts/opinions after experiencing a 1 mile loop flat course. Things do change when it comes to ultras with elevation gains and not having an aid station every mile with food and water.

When they say ultra marathons are all mental....they really mean that. I learned about a few of the runner's training leading up to race day. Most didn't run anything over 6 miles. Seriously. They were either injured and had to rely on cross training or where so busy with life that they weren't able to run much, so they too put in a lot of cross training. The 2 others I've spoken to ran quite a bit more. One gal ran some 60 mile training weeks and the other ran several 100 mile training weeks. They all hit goals but they finished at different times. (Which really doesn't matter) what I'm saying is, training is only a small part to ultra marathons. It really is all mental. In all reality, I could have done a lot more than the 29 miles I did, but again, I have other things that are more important to me right now.

Thinking about the 24 hour time. To get 100 miles in 24 miles, you have to do 4 miles an hour. The hardest part is from sun set to sun rise in the middle of the night. Exhaustion sets in and mental toughness needs to take over, otherwise things get really hard. Granted with getting the 100 miles in, a lot of things need to go perfect. If your nutrition or water intake isn't spot on, things can head south real fast. (Again, this is all things I learned while pacing and watching. I'm no way an expert, especially since I have never done anything more than a marathon.)

Running ultra marathons are easier than running marathons. This is also something I have heard a lot. I have a couple different thoughts about this. The people running the ultras are much more willing to talk and help push others to continue than those at marathons. From what I have experienced anyways. Marathon runners are focused on a finish time and less likely to stop to help someone else. Yes, there are some who will stop, but most marathon runners train to hit certain times. Another thing on this topic on why ultras are easier, most ultra runners aren't running THE WHOLE TIME like marathon runners running marathons. (Again going back to hitting certain times in marathons as opposed to just finishing an ultra.) I've experienced on my own that running a 5 hour marathon, while it still hurts during, definitely has a much shorter, easier recovery time than trying to run a 3.5-4 hour marathon. I ran a 5 hour marathon during my Crazy Pyramid Challenge last summer...in 7 consecutive days I ran a 5k, 10k, half marathon, full marathon, half marathon, 10k, and 5k. While it still was very hard running a marathon, I still was able to run a half marathon the next day, with no soreness. Slower paced runs/walks are much easier to recover from, which is why ultra marathons are "easier". Not all ultra marathoners walk walk/run the distance. During Nanny Goat I saw several people running THE. WHOLE. TIME.

Which brings me to a story I'd like to share. There was this one gal, holy cow, she blew me away. I was lapped SEVERAL times by her as I walked with friends. So I saw her often. She was a machine. Go, go, go for 24 hours. She ended up finishing 100 miles around 22 hours and took 2nd place for overall female. To me, that is inspirational! Everyone out doing the 12 or 24 hour event was inspiring, but this was different. I don't want to ruffle any feathers at all, but walking is so different than running. Although walking still hurts, running is a lot more impact which is harder on the body. Seeing this gal run lap after lap, never stopping, was truly amazing!! She was what I thought an ultra runner was. It was really inspiring to watch her. Please understand that I believe everyone out there, walking or running, is an ultra marathoner. In my own tiny head, I had created my own visions of what ultra marathon runners looked like. I was really surprised at how much walking there was for most the people out there. I just had put people who do ultras on a much higher level than me, "just a marathon runner." But I realized that me trying to get a 3 1/2 marathon finish was just as hard and just as amazing as the folks out doing their thing in an ultra. I would never run or walk 100 miles and I'm sure most those people would say they wouldn't go try to run a 3.5 marathon. With that being said, I was completely amazed by the people out walking the 100 miles. It just goes to show that anyone can do an ultra marathon. I had told myself there's no way I'd ever do anything over a marathon but I've signed up for a 24 hour race at the end of December. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but in the 20 hours I was at this event this weekend I did almost 30 miles. I'm hoping to run 50-60 miles in 12 hours. The event only has 24+ hour events so I'm signing up for the 24 hour and really RUNNING for the first 12 hours. I then want to hang around to encourage and motivate the other people going the other 12 hours, that was the best part of this past weekend. I loved cheering and encouraging everyone who was finishing. That was amazing. I really believe everyone should go and watch some kind of running event and just watch the finish line. Nothing is more inspirational! Seeing the pure determination and mental toughness is simply beyond words. I truly learned so much about life itself at this event. But I will leave that for yet another post! :)

First Ultra Marathon Experience

I didn't know what to expect when I got to the race. I had created an image of what I thought an ultra event would look like and once I got there, I realized my image I created was, mostly, wrong. There were young teenagers running. There were 70 year olds running. Short, tall, big, small....all walks of life. I am seriously inspired by everyone here. It just proves that no matter what size clothes you wear, what you weigh, YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS! You can do whatever you set your mind to.

I had the privilege of meeting 3 amazing women. The first one, Suzanne, was from Arizona. I did a few miles with her and learned a lot about her. I think that's my favorite part of the whole ultra marathon, hearing the life stories of the runners. Susanne had been dealing with stomach cramps since mile 3. When I first met her, she had just taken a shower and tried to relax a bit, hoping her stomach would settle with time. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Susanne really inspired me. She had such tough conditions during this race but she never gave up. Even after sleeping a bit during the night, she got back out there to keep logging miles. I'm not sure what her original goal was for the 24 hours, but it amazed me that even though she probably had to let that goal go, she kept pushing and doing her best. She ended up getting 45 miles in. I find it simply amazing that she never stopped trying and that is something I will forever remember! After doing a few laps with her I ran into my friends I came to meet and cheer on. I ended up doing a lap with them but then started talking to another lady named Jennifer. (Funny story, I TOTALLY thought her name was Shelley! THE WHOLE RACE! After realizing I had been calling her by the wrong name, I busted out laughing. I realized that the look she had given me EVERY time I was taking to her was a, "oh, you're talking to me?" face. I felt like a total dork) Anyway, this lady totally inspired me. We talked a lot about training for marathons and trying to qualify for Boston. She told me she used to train to run fast but she was now enjoying ultras. I can't remember, but I think this was her first ultra marathon. She ended up running her longest distance and finished with 62 miles!! Jennifer also had some trials. I think it was just a hard day for everyone. It was extremely hot during the day and one little thing you didn't do, escalated into huge problems. Nausea, cramps, dizzy spells...everything becomes a hundred times worse in an ultra marathon. No matter if it's 30 miles or more. I'm really impressed with these 2 ladies and their pure determination to not quit. I'm 100% sure I would have stopped completely. I learned a very valuable lesson here. Never stop trying!

After a few miles with Shelley, I mean Jennifer haha, I ran into the wife of one of my friends I came out to cheer on. This was her second ultra. She was struggle a bit with some gnarly blisters. I met Her around 30 miles and she only needed 10 more to reach her goal. I decided I would help her finish. I had a great time talking with her. She is such a fun lady. She too inspired me. She wasn't able to train very much for this race due to a crazy work schedule but also an injury she was just overcoming. Her longest training run was 2 hours I believe, and here she was going for 12 hours. Melissa never stopped. Even when her TWO quarter sized blisters on her heels popped! Talk about tough! It was such a blessing to meet her and hear her story and to finish with her. I knew that coming to this event, I would be inspired but I never would have imagined I would be this inspired! I get goosebumps just thinking about it! So awesome!

At this point I had already gone 20 miles. I was a little nervous because I hadn't been training much lately but as I found out from several of the ladies I met, you don't have to do an insane amount of miles to train. But with my St George training under way, I didn't want to do too many miles and not be able to do my regular training runs coming up this week.

I stopped after 20 miles and went to my tent to get some sleep. I wanted to have energy to help push my friends through the tough hours in the middle of the night. I knew I wanted to help in the middle of the night but didn't want to annoy anyone, it gets depressing I'm sure at those hours. So I just walked next to my friend Michael and hoped to put positive thoughts in his head was my only goal. It was so hard to see him struggling. He's such an upbeat person and to see him struggling was so hard.

I walked 5 miles with Michael and then I ended up going back to my tent. I took a quick cat nap to hopefully have energy to help cheer on everyone who would be finishing up running the 24 hours. I went out the finish line around 6am and was completely blown away. I have never seen such pure determination. For one, Michael had gone from a painful walk to BOOKING it now! I was so worried after I went back to my tent. He was going through a hard spot mentally. I have felt the same way, only I was at mile 22 of a marathon...not 77 of 100! The thoughts of "what in the world am I doing?! This was the dumbest idea ever!" Seeing Michael with a smile on his face and looking good, I knew he had no problems what so ever with finishing!

My husband and I sat at the finish line, cheering everyone on. I was able to capture a beautiful couple as he finished his first 100 mile race on video. He is 67 years old. His wife stayed up all night cheering on not only him but everyone else running. When he finished, and before crossing the finish line, he picked up his wife in his arms and then ran across the finish line with her. It was such a beautiful thing. To see such joy and love was simply amazing. As the 24 hour mark rolled around, the timing folks kept telling those who had just hit their 100 miles to keep going. They had 30 minutes left. Go out and do more. 9 times out of 10, the runners went BACK out to get a few more laps in. As if 100 miles wasn't enough, they ended up doing 101-105. One guy finished out with 115 miles! He came in a minute or so before the clock hit 24 hours and so the timing folks tried to get him to go one more. He was so funny, he stood in front of the finish line until the clock hit exactly 24hours and 00 seconds and then crossed it. He was awesome!

After a while, my husband and I began to recognize faces and knew how many miles they had left. It was so fun to cheer on these strangers, knowing they only had 5 or 4 or even 1 mile left. My husband thought I was crazy but every time someone crossed the finish line for their 100th mile, I got choked up and cried. It was simply amazing!!

There was another girl who I was able to capture her finish for her as well on video. It seemed as if everyone running and a crew or friends to help them but this young lady was all alone. I noticed it after a few miles and so when she hit 99 miles, I decided I'd record her finish. After her finish, I walked up to her to ask for her email and got hit with some devastating news. She had a friend there earlier helping her but her friend's mother unexpectedly past away early that morning, so her friend had to pack up and leave. As she told me this she was crying and told me she had been crying the whole time since she heard the news. I felt horrible. Here this young lady was, doing something completely inspirational and then things just got harder. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to give her a big hug but I had just met her so I apologized and told her how much of an inspiration she was to me. This taught me a huge lesson. I had thought about waking a lap with her, because she just looked completely sad. It was different than the way the other runners looked. But I let fear get in the way. I felt silly going and walking with her. But it just goes to show, you never know what people are going through. What battles they are fighting. Maybe that person you see needs a smile, hug, or anything. Every time she came in for another mile, I cheered for her and told her something positive. I only wish I had done more, especially finding out about what happened with her friend earlier that morning. 

My friends I came to cheer on only had 3 or 4 miles left and were looking so strong. My one friend Leigh Anne looked at if she needed a friend to talk to. So I decided to not let her go alone like I did the previous girl I had just talked to, and so I ran to catch up to her. She was doing great but I felt inspired to talk to her. I tried to picture myself in her shoes and I would have loved company to distract my mind. I walked a little over a mile with her and then saw my other friend Michael. He had tears in his eyes. And soon as I saw him, I just knew he was on his last lap and so close to finishing. I then decided to go ahead and see if he wanted a friend to help him finish. We got to be about .6 of a mile from the finish and he started sprinting!! I was so amazed! This man had just run 99.4 miles and he was running so fast that I struggled to keep up with him! Haha Simply amazing! What a true inspiration! As we finished, I started to cry and got the goosebumps. It was one of the top 3 best moments for me of the whole event!

After finishing with Michael, I ran back out to find Leigh Anne. She was finishing mile 99. She mentioned to me that she wanted her whole family to walk the last lap with her. And they did just that.

I was able to capture some photos and a video of her family out on the last mile and as they finished. It was so awesome.

Part two coming soon!!

Before and During

Some people look at me and think I have it easy. That I have good genetics and can get into shape fast. You know those types that can eat anything they want and not gain anything. Who can run a marathon at a 6:30 pace without even training. I'm jealous of those types. I just look at food and gain 5 pounds. I have to bust my butt day in and day out to see results or to hit my goals. So when people tell me that I am blessed because I can lose weight or get into shape fast, I just want to smack them.

After my last marathon in February, I stopped running. I hated running. I wanted nothing to do with it. Actually, those feelings started back in December. And since December, I ate my emotions. So many things played in

to my depression. It was an extremely hard time for me and until a few weeks ago I didn't realize how bad it was. If you've gone through depression, you know what I'm taking about. So anyway, with being depressed and eating my emotions, I put on weight. Go figure haha A month ago, my family was getting ready to go to the water park and I felt "fat" in my swim bottoms. I took a shot of my behind and sure enough, eww. (Jimmy Fallon anyone??)  It was gross. So I covered up and beat myself up about it. (Because that makes it all better, right?) Well, after all the craziness with dropping out of my bike race and getting into my favorite marathon, it was game on for me. This is the year that I will be consistent and get closer to my goal of qualifying for Boston.

The last 3 week's I have busting my butt, literally, every day. I have a ton of work do and there's no time to waste. I mentioned in my last post about not letting the scale define me. It's been really hard to step on the scale and see no change. Even when I felt thinner, nothing changed.

Remember that picture of my rear end I took a few weeks ago? Well I decided to take another picture to compare. Let me first just tell you that I am a firm believer of taking photos. They show progress that the scale doesn't. After feeling bad because the scale wasn't going down, I compared the photos side by side and I cannot tell you how excited I was. Sometimes it's hard to see progress when you're stuck on a number you want the scale to read, but I challenge anyone reading this to take a photo now and then in a month's time, take another. That's how I will track my progress from now on.

Ok...now the scary part. I'm posting a photo of my rear end in my swim suit. It's no where near perfect, when comparing to this bikini models, but it's progress for me. (Be nice, don't say anything negative about this post. I really am proud of myself and don't need a Debbie downer to criticize me.) (Can you tell I'm a little insecure about posting this? But I like to document for the future. I like looking back and seeing where I started.) (Oh and ignore my messy mirrors. I hate cleaning them haha)

What Defines You

Ever since graduating high school, almost 10 years ago, I've struggled with balance in my life. I've struggled with confidence. I've struggled with knowing who I was and who I want to be. I focused my energy on negativity instead of the positive. These past 2 weeks have been life changing for me. I absolutely love that I'm writing more, it really eases stress and helps me the release all that's on my mind, which is always running. (No pun intended haha) These past 2 weeks, I've really focused on the positive or finding the positive in situations, which is complete opposite of what I usually do. I'm typically the "worst case scenario" type of gal. I have come to a point when a few months ago, I literally started having panic attacks about things. About everything. It was scary to tell you the truth. I've never felt this way before. It was about 2 weeks before I started back in to marathon training when I realized what was going on.

With this more positive attitude about everything in life, it's been amazing to see the benefits in all areas of life. To say these last 10 years have been hard, is an understatement. I let small things define who I was. How fast I ran, how much I weighed, what size pants I wore, how my children behaved...the list goes on. I thought I was a failure when I wasn't as skinny as this person or that person. Or that I wasn't as fast. Or my kids where psycho every where we went. (This one was huge for me.) I really felt like everyone was judging every move I made and if I wasn't perfect, I was a failure. This is completely silly but because of what I was going through internally, it became a huge thing to me. This is where the panic attacks started. I began to stress so badly about everything. It's hard to explain, unless you've been through this. I literally felt like a crazy person. It's kind of embarrassing.

Anyway, back to the point of my post. I recently read an article about emotional maturity. Obviously something I lack. In this article, it specifically talked about emotional maturity when it comes to reaching your best in racing. Something I'm striving to do. After reading this article and some long discussions with my husband (thank goodness for him and his patience) I've been able to realize that I've been letting the wrong things define me, which led to self doubt, which then led to poor performances in every aspect in life. Crummy wife, mother, friend and also in the things that I enjoy and am passionate about.

It's been an amazing 2 weeks in realizing what really defines me. First I realized that my children's behavior doesn't define me. Although my kids may be high energy, they are still great kids. (There have been things happen over the years, especially with my oldest daughter, that have made me feel like I'm a horrible mother.) They are children. They are young children and are no different from other children their age. I've also come to understand the true meaning behind not letting the scale define me. I'm one who obsesses over my weight. I was once overweight and incredibly ashamed about my appearance, can you blame me? Well, lately I've been stuck on a certain weight. Every time I weigh, I "feel fat" because the number is higher than I'd like it to be, BUT I am seeing some major results off the scale. I'm stronger, happier, and healthier than I have been in a while. Since starting back in marathon training last week, I've been not letting that number define me. I am stronger than that number. What I have been doing, since I stared running really, means much more than what the scale says. This week is easier to ignore that number than last week. I did have moments when I got discouraged because I don't weigh what I think I should but then I go out and run, pushing 80lbs of kid weight in the double stroller, and realize that I really am stronger than that number. I have realized that I've let the scale rule my life. Forget what I was doing in training, I didn't weigh what I thought I should and so everything I was doing, meant nothing. I should have tossed the scale in the trash. Well my friends, that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm already seeing progress in my running, I'm already seeing results in some photos I've taken, and that all means much more than what the number on the scale says.

Anyway, kind of got long winded but I just wanted to write out my thoughts about what I've realized lately.

Love Seeing Progress

After taking nearly 3 months off from running consistently, jumping back into marathon training has been difficult. Especially because I'm pushing both my kids in the double stroller. Last week was great. I felt good, I was exhausted, but I still felt good to be back in marathon training mode. This morning I was dreading my run. I didn't want to push the stroller and I knew it was going to be hot. Well, I quickly remembered my goals and woke up the girls at 6:45am and was out the door running at 7:15am. The first mile sucked. But when doesn't it? I just kept telling myself to relax and even if the whole 4 miles hurt, at least I was out getting my miles in. First mile was 10:58. Much slower than my normal, but about where I was running last week with the stroller. I kept pushing and during mile 2 I started to feel really good. Mile 2 was 10:27. Alright, that felt good! I focused more on form and making sure I was relaxed. Mile 3 was 10:04. Whoohoo! I haven't seen a mile split that "fast" for a while. (A side note: I've set my watch to only show distance and time, I cannot see current pace...I love it. I run more off how I feel rather than trying to push it.) By mile 3 I was feeling fresh and my legs felt great. I didn't think I started pushing myself harder, but apparently I did. Mile 4 was 9:36! I wasn't even huffing and puffing! I was relaxed and focusing on proper form. I didn't feel like I was exhausted or running out of steam by the last mile. I actually felt like I had another couple miles in me. Felt awesome! Overall, I had an average pace of 10:15 for 4 miles. Pretty awesome considering my 4 mile run last week was a struggle and a 11:15 pace. Take away the paces though, I just felt a whole lot stronger today and I loved it! Very excited to see more progress over the next few months!

Week of May 12-18

Monday- boot camp....tonight killed me! Weighted squat frog jumps, cross under lunges...to name a few. Sore for 3 days following!

Tuesday- ran 3 miles with double stroller (33 minutes, 11 minute pace) followed by some weights and stretching.

Wednesday- 4 miles pushing stroller (45 minutes, 11:15 pace) felt really hard and still extremely sore from Monday's boot camp!

Thursday- 3 miles with stroller (36 minutes, 12 minute pace) wanted to do some weights after but I was exhausted so I rested.

Friday- rest day

Saturday -8 miles, 5 with Libby (1:25, 10:37 pace) slower than I would have liked but miles are miles right now. Taking the next few weeks to rebuild and then focus on speed more. Later I walked a 5k with some friends at a foam and glow run. Lots of fun!

Sunday- Rest day

Summer Goals

I have so much on my mind this morning,.so I though I'd take a minute and write a few things out.

The summer heat is coming and its coming fast. Soon, even at 4:30AM it will be 90degrees. As I sit here at 8AM in 80 degrees, I panic a bit. I just finished an 8 mile run and it was quite warm. But it's only going to get hotter, much hotter. As I sit and reflect on my goal, BQ in St George, I think about what comes with this. Determination, dedication, discipline. Those three words are something I learned in college while playing volleyball. I played volleyball for years and even though those three words were taught to me in my last year of competitive play, I was coached and taught to live by those my whole career. I'm a fighter. I am competitive. I do not give up. I attempted to qualify for Boston in my first marathon. That marathon still is a fresh open wound in my mind. The things that happened leading up to that race was not right. There were things that happened that I hope no one has to go through. But, I know with this pain and fear I'm holding on to, its a set back for me. I panic at every marathon because of the things that happened at my first. The other day I heard, "you can't run another marathon until you forget your last." Well, I've run 7 more, never forgetting my first. It's time to forget.

I have a few goals for this summer.

1. Don't let the heat mess with me mentally. Summer training is hard, but I want to do my best and give it my all. Last summer I gave up a lot on runs because it was too hot. I may not be able to hit marathon pace because of the heat, but giving up is not an option.

2. Be positive. About everything. I've realized that being negative in things outside of running affect my running. "Come what may and love it" is something I want to apply to my daily life.

3. Enjoy the process. In my thousands of miles I've ran, I have learned that things aren't always perfect. So, instead of stressing over not hitting a certain pace or feeling really crummy on a run, I want to still be happy and enjoy running. Running saved my life. It shouldn't stress me out, even if I have hard trainings. I want to enjoy every run.

4. Family comes first. I have learned that it is better for me to run in the morning so that it doesn't take me away from my family. They need me. This means pushing the kids in the double stroller. It sucks. Its hard. It's slows my pace way down, BUT my girls love to come running with me and its just better to get it done first thing. I did this for my first marathon training, I can do it again...even if I'm pushing 20-25lbs extra. It's good training.

5. Weight training and flexibility are key for me this training. I've already seen huge progress just with in the last 3 weeks. Its good training!

First week of training in the books. I'll finish out the week with 24 miles. 10 of which were pushing 80lbs of kid weight in the double stroller. Plus also did bootcamp class and some weight training at home. Feeling pretty good. Definitely tired, but it's all apart of rebuilding!

I'm in!!

Oh what a relief it is to finally know if I won the lottery or not! But I'm very pleased to say that I'm in! It has made the disappointment of backing out of the bike race a little easier.

I have so many ideas on how to train these next 5 months. I'm so glad that I finally listened to my body and took time off from running! I'm feeling so good. Especially mentally. I'm going in to training with a different mindset this go around. Instead of focusing on a finish time, even though I do have one, I am focusing on daily, weekly, and monthly progress. I'm not going to stress over race day, I am going to keep focused on each week and making sure to hit all my scheduled workouts and runs.

This training I'm keeping up with weight lifting. I've always felt I needed to become stronger. I've always stopped in past trainings. I'm also going to test out other ideas. In the past, I've always set paces for each run and that has only led to stress and burnout. While I do plan to do track workouts once a week and then a tempo run, the other days I plan to either be a recovery run or a trail run. I am planning to run my long runs on the trails. I feel this will only make me stronger. The roads around me are flat, which makes training for an aggressive downhill race very hard. Besides trails having hills, it also its a very special place for me. I grew up hiking with my dad and have very fond memories, and every time I am on the trails, it brings back that peace and joy.

Not only do I plan to run my long runs on the trails, I also plan to run longer than marathon distance in training. I have wanted to do this in past training but never did. (And of course I have picked the toughest training months to accomplish this!) I am excited about this goal. I think mentally it'll make me stronger and able to push harder come race day.

I'm really excited for training to begin. Today was day 1 and started it off with bootcamp! Tomorrow I plan to run 4 miles, followed by weight training. Time to kick it into high gear! I'm totally stoked about getting into this race again! This marathon was my very first marathon and this will be the 3rd time running it (9th total marathon) I've gone through a lot these past few years but I feel this is my time now. If I can stick to my training plan, I can accomplish what I set out to do!

Week of May 5-11

What a week. Finished out the week with 85 miles on the bike and 19 miles running.

Bad news this week. With our big move coming up, and several other reasons, I unfortunately have to drop out of my bike race I've been training for. It was a really hard decision, but after talking it over with my husband, it's the best choice for us right now. I do hope to do it next year, just still a bummer right now.

Training this week was great. I learned a lot about my body. Well, I should say re-learned some things I already knew about myself. I crave intensity in my workouts. I gain so much from hard workouts. My brick workout on Thursday was one of those workouts. 30 mile bike ride followed by 6 miles running. Not only did I set a PR for pace on the bike and distance on the run for a brick workout, but I had 2 hard days before this workout. Wednesday I did some hill repeats on my bike. Almost to puking point. It felt great. Tuesday, I finally pushed fear aside and ran 10 miles. I've been nervous about running long distance because of how much time I've taken off. It felt great! It was slower paced, but I truly enjoyed getting out again. After my marathon in February I decided to take time off. I needed a break and time away from running and to remember why I love it. Well, good news is, I've found my passion again and can't wait to start training. I found out tomorrow if I've won the lottery for the St George Marathon, my favorite race. I'm ready to work hard to get closer to my ultimate finish time. Even though this race is the toughest to train for....Arizona summers are ridiculous, I've done it twice before so it's time to whip it into high gear and leave everything on the table. No regrets!

Long Run

I finally sucked it up and ran my first double digit run in 2.5 months! 10 miles! It felt really good. My legs were tired until about mile 3 but then I felt fresh. It was awesome. Exactly what I needed!

One thing I am scared about is starting back up running. Funny, right? I don't know where to start really. And the last thing I want to do is get hurt. Sometimes I should just stop thinking about it and just do it. I fear too much. Maybe that will be my new goal this week. Fear less. Maybe that will help my anxiety issues I've been dealing with as well. (That's another story!)

Week of April 28-March 4

My goal for last week was to go with the flow and to workout whenever I thought I should. That led to runs in the middle of the hot afternoon, but I didn't care. I have been struggling to get out the door lately. I have demons in my head telling me to be careful not to do too much, I could get injured. (Talked about this in a previous post) but after realizing, I have never gotten injured because of doing too much, I did what I wanted this week and it felt amazing.

I finished the week of with 54 miles on the bike and 9 miles running. While it was a recovery or lighter week, due to the previous 3 weeks being hard, I'm still pleased with having mileage to report. Typically on a recovery week, I do nothing. And then that leads to more weeks of nothing. So it was good. Despite the fact that my running mileage bites, at least it's something. I had planned to run 10 miles on Sunday, but due to personal reasons, I chose not to run. (Long story)

These next 3 weeks are going to be hard. Not even considering the temp increase! I am now under 10 weeks away from STP and still very intimidated. Which is probably a good thing, just means I have a lot of work to do!

Monday I plan to run 10 miles with the kids and attend Bootcamp, Tuesday I will run 5 or 6 miles and do some weight lifting, Wednesday will be a rest day from running but hill work on my bike plus Bootcamp, Thursday will be a brick workout. I want 30 miles on the bike and 3 or 4 miles running, maybe 5 miles. Friday will be an off day, Saturday will be 80 miles on the bike and depending how I feel, Sunday, I will run 10 miles. I should be riding back to back days but I need running in my life again. It keeps me sane. Maybe I can do my brick workout on Friday instead of Thursday and just run Thursday. I have a few days to figure it out.

I'm enjoying writing this all out. It gets it out of my head, which makes room for other things to think about haha

Happy training everyone!

Baby Brick Workout

Today was another good day! I'm feeling fantastic!

It was a warm one but I headed out at 2pm for my workout. Thus week is a recovery week, so I've scaled back on mileage.

I pulled Mylee in the bike trailer for 10 miles. A very hilly and windy 10 miles! I wanted to do 20 miles, but it was windy and hot. (90 degrees!) After finishing up the 10 miles on the bike, I ran 3 miles pushing Mylee in the stroller. I was pretty tired but felt happy to be out. Tomorrow will definitely be a rest day!