I have so much on my mind today. So many life changing events happened this weekend. I am a very real person. I tell it how it is. I don't sugar coat things or say things to make me look better than I really am. Point blank. So for those of you who have followed me know how much I struggle day to day with person trials. Not even running related.
I wish I could share more details but I know that by sharing too much, some will take offense. So I will share what I can. (Buy no way am I trying to be offensive, some people just can't see past their end of their noses.)
Some times, there comes a point in your life when you see who you are. You see that you have become the exact person you swore you never would become. It's a very hard pill to swallow. In a previous post I talked about letting things define you and more specifically things that shouldn't define you but that you end up letting define you.
Ever since my oldest daughter turned about a year old, she was extremely active. Very busy. And this drove some people crazy. They would get after her about things and become stressed with her. This is still going on today, and she's almost 6. This made me feel that my daughter was a rotten child. That she is poorly behaved. And it hurt me thinking this way. I became very controlling and quite frankly embarrassed about my child. I let this define me. I was a horrible mother. My child was a wild child with no respect for others. What I didn't realize was my child is actually quite similar to every other 5 year old out there. Granted with some differences, but she's not a bad child like I felt she was. I realized that some people can't handle my active child. She is too much for them to handle, so they get frustrated and stressed. This has nothing to do with me, my parenting, or really the behavior of my child. It is a reflection on THEM. It's been amazing since I've realized this. I can let these people stress if they choose to, but it doesn't affect me or my child. It's their own choice to feel this way. With me realizing this I have relaxed A LOT and my daughter has been an absolute joy. When I was controlling her, her behavior was only getting worse. GO FIGURE. She is an amazing child and I can now see that.
Another thing that's been on my mind lately is mental toughness. Everything in life goes back to this. I learned a huge lesson about this this weekend. Watching the people out running and walking at the ultra marathon taught me so much about mental toughness. Whether is was the gal who placed 2nd place and was non stop running the whole time, or the gals who struggled with stomach cramps and other physical discomfort that made them have to take a break to try to shake the pain but still got back out there and kept pushing. Or even my friend Michael, who clearly struggled during the dark hours of the night but kicked butt as soon as the sun rose. I believe he said the last 15 miles were some of his fastest miles of the 100 miles!! These examples are true inspiration TO ME. Seeing the struggle, the pain, the wanting to quit, but them NEVER giving up. I cannot say how much that inspired me. I seriously get choked up and goosebumps just thinking about it. These are some amazing, amazing people and they taught me a huge lesson.
I struggle horribly with my mental toughness. It is the reason why I can't get a BQ. So, on this mornings run, I had a time trail run. I have 3 time trail runs this week. These runs will determine next month's pacing for my training runs. Going into today's run, I wasn't expecting anything special. I haven't been running much at all, let alone doing any kind of speed work. Well, I really, really surprised myself. I did 1.5 miles in 10 minutes and 55 seconds an average pace of 7:16 a mile. Holy cow! It felt amazing! Granted I was extremely close to puking, but man, that mental toughness can do A LOT for you!! These next few months are going to be absolutely amazing!!! I feel I'll be getting real close to my BQ this fall.
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